Therapy for People-Pleasing and Setting Boundaries

Therapy for anxious women and people-pleasers who need healthy boundaries in Rancho Cucamonga and throughout California

 

Setting Boundaries is Hard.

  • Feeling like a coward

  • Rewriting a text message over and over because you don’t know what to say

  • Rehearsing what to say because you’re too scared to say what you really want

  • Allowing mistreatment from others without defending yourself

  • Practicing future arguments in your head

  • Beating yourself up for not standing up for yourself.

You struggle to get what you want in your relationships. Other people are overbearing or come off so much more confident than you. And you’re a people-pleaser who allows fear and anxiety keep you from saying what you know you should be saying. But the thought of upsetting someone scares the crap out of you. Conflict just isn’t an option in your mind.

So what do you do when you’re faced with conflict? Or your asked out for dinner and you don’t want to go? Someone asks to borrow money? You give in. You go to dinner and endure it. You loan the money.

Learn to say “No.”

 

Wanna Know More?

Here’s a totally free 15-minute video breakdown of people-pleasing and what you can expect to talk about while working with me. Please enjoy!

 
 

A Quick Breakdown of People-Pleasers is a FREE video presentation to help you identify people-pleasing, understand where it comes from, and how setting healthy boundaries can help you overcome it.

Balance and Boundaries Therapy Can Help!

Unmet Needs:

We’ll talk about your upbringing, what messages you received from adults, and what boundaries were and were not enforced. We’ll identify what you needed but never received in terms of confidence, communication, and feeling safe overall.

Solutions:

I’ll teach you skills to build confidence, ways communicate your wants and needs, and ways to cope with the guilt, shame, and fear you’re experiencing. You and I will practice together before you implement these solutions.

Implementation:

When you’re ready, you’ll set your boundaries with the relationships that need it. Using newfound skills, confidence, and me in your corner, you’ll say what you mean and mean what you say. Then, you’ll come into session next week and we will review how you did.

Therapy to set healthy boundaries can…

  • Teach you how to say “no.”

  • Reduce people-pleasing.

  • Free you from the anxiety and guilt of being assertive or confronting others.

  • Reduce seeking approval from others.

  • Help you feel more confident speaking your mind.

  • Improve your relationships through learning how to protect your energy.  

“Don’t betray yourself to please others.”

— Nedra Glover Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace

Boundaries we discuss:

  • We learn just about everything from our families-including our ability to communicate our thoughts, feelings, and needs. If you weren’t allowed to have boundaries at home, you may not have learned how to have boundaries with other people. Overcoming the fears of upsetting your family can lead to closer and more transparent relationships with your parents, siblings, etc.

  • We want to make our friends happy. Keeping them happy helps to keep them in our lives. But, it can be hard to tell them “no” and you fear upsetting them, even to the point that they may not want to be your friend anymore. However, boundaries are actually necessary in keeping friendships healthy and can even foster closer and more meaningful relationships.

  • This can be one of the most difficult places in life to set boundaries because it’s taboo to tell your boss “no.” Poor boundaries at work may negatively impact work-life balance and job satisfaction. But we spend 1/3 of our day at work. Setting more reasonable expectations for yourself in the workplace-and maybe being less agreeable with your boss- can lessen your burnout and prevent resentment in your career.

  • You’re not completely innocent here. Giving others permission to mistreat you, not standing up for yourself, or saying “yes” to things you don’t want to commit to is how you’re contributing to the problem. Confidence can take you a long way in setting boundaries to protect your energy.

FAQS

 

  • Boundaries are needs we have in order to make relationships respectful and meaningful. They are expectations of ourselves and others to create safety. They can act as a checks and balances system in relationships to ensure all parties are comfortable and genuine.

  • Poor boundaries are a symptom of a more clinical issue. Anxiety, depression, and trauma are a frequent cocktail that creates and reinforces poor boundaries. Therapy can help identify what the deeper clinical issue is before implementing healthy boundary-setting skills.

  • We start off weekly, usually the same time and day each week. When we both have agreed you’re making and sustaining progress, we will discuss scaling down to every other week for a period of time until you’re ready to terminate therapy.

More questions? Check out my FAQs page.

Schedule a Free Consultation

or call 760-281-3364